Hello there, I believe you are in perfect health. So today being the first Monday of this new month of October, I figured we should have a whole different ride. I’m going to be giving you, from now till the end of the year, what I have called Letters From The School Of Bitter Truth. This series will be a continuous flow of random thoughts and random topics that most people don’t like to talk about. These ideas will be presented as articles. I will probably just be a voice of those that wish to talk of these things I will be discussing but just don’t have the guts and a platform to do it. Don’t worry I have your back. You can infact bring suggestions on the topics you would love me to discuss in the coming Mondays. Just leave it in the comment box and I will get it in my mail box. I hope you will enjoy this series. Start your week fresh and mentally energized with this liberating truthful piece I have given you today. Have a blast fam. Have a great week.

Judge Them. Don’t Judge Their Parents

We have been made to believe that every person is a product of their surrounding. We are who we are because of where we are from. Our social setting makes up  a great amount of our behavior pattern that later on becomes what people identify as our character. We are basically what the society demands of us. Most of us have attributed our characters to our parents (sadly it’s the good characters only that are attributed to the parents mostly). Society has moulded us into the limited beings that we have become and it has maliciously designed a mental cage for all of us. Everything has been dictated on how we are supposed to think and act. A sacred code has been established whereby going against it is looked at as immoral and is generally unacceptable. 

Family is the center of all acceptable sociatal upbringing. Most of us grew up in families that were looked at as morally upright and infact our parents were models of how a descent family should be like. I personally grew up in a conservative Catholic home and both grand parents were Catholics to the core. I grew up mastering “Christian morals”. I know so many people who grew up to this same type of life. My point is that one way or the other, we all grew up to cultures that we never chose. Some of us still love and embrace those cultures while some wish we had been raised in different settings. My emphasis here is on the impact that your social setting has left on your character. Your perception of the world has been dictated by “them”. Most of us don’t really have our own stand on our world view. We see life in the lenses of our society. We are nothing but a product of the masses. This is one of the reasons that our behavior is attributed to our parents.

In Africa a child is believed to be as good/bad as his or her parents. This automatically robs away the individuality of the child. Everyone is an independent individual. Regardless of your genetic connection to the parents, you’re an independent entity. This is where most people don’t get it; behavior is a psychological aspect of man not biological. You’re not born with any characters or behavior patterns but you learn them. This is why society plays a huge role in shaping our characters (after all everything right or wrong has already been identified). However there’s only limit to what society can impose on us. It becomes our responsibility to look at life from our own perspectives. The way we think, behave and act in this life becomes our sole responsibility and no one else’s. There is a time when our parents, our family and our community can be blamed or given the credit due to our character and behavior. That much I understand. But there also comes a time where we have to take full responsibility of our decisions and actions.

Most of us are stuck on our Camel stage and we’re unable to get to the highest form of self mastery. The pile of compilations of “thou shalt” have been stuck in our heads so much that we have become part of the society without being able to become an individual at all. We are stuck on becoming what our environment expects us to be without making an effort to be what we want to become. Our first goal has been painting a perfect picture to the onlookers  whilst forgetting to do ourselves the favor first. We have become what they want us to be. However, it’s possible to break the chains. You are no longer a responsibility of the society and you are no longer what your parents expect you to be. You can make your own choices and live the way you want. Be an individual that you are. Your failure, success, losses and wins in the persue of happiness and meaningful life are yours to carry. Your good or bad behavior and character is your reputation to uphold. No one should blame your parents for what you have become. Your parents and social setting have nothing to do with what you have chosen to become as an adult. Circumstantial arguments should not be used for your character. Learn to unlearn what they taught you and become what you chose to become. Embrace what makes you a better individual not a “good person” as dictated by “them”.

Some of us are what you may call immoral but as individuals we are on the most moral quest in this life. We have found our path and have accepted to be a little different from what tradition, religion and society expects of us. We have made peace with ourselves as individuals and we are okay to say NO to some detrimental “thou shalt” we were forced to internalize as kids. Believe me, we were raised right and we grew up morally upright as per expectation of the society. Our parents did their job with perfection. What you see as immoral or indecent in us has nothing to do with how we were brought up. We have chosen to become these individuals and we are solely responsible of our characters and the reputation that comes with it. Judge us if you must, but don’t judge those that raised us. We were raised fine and our bringing up has nothing with the individuals we have become. Learn to understand the difference.

#Ntho’sPen✍️

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Joseph Daniel Sukali is a Malawian freelance writer, blogger, award winning spoken word poet and a mental health advocate. Some of his works have been published in the Best “New” African Poet 2020 ANTHOLOGY, Writers Global Movement (WGM) magazine and several other local and international magazines. He is also a contributor to an online library Good Literature Malawi, columnist of Malawi Talents Magazine and editor of Love Feast Magazine. Sukali has authored and published a book "Dealing with a Heartbreak: Therapy for the Broken-A Health Relationship Guide”. He is also a co-author of a poetry anthology "Whispers of Beating Hearts". His 2020 spoken word album “Wonders Of My Perception” is available for free download online. The 26 year old is a holder of a bachelor's degree obtained from Mzuzu University. Apart from being a wordsmith, Joseph Daniel Sukali is currently an employee of Emmanuel International Malawi and he is also an ambassador for Maphunziro265 Malawi.

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