Welcome to Season 2 of the Mwenemugamba Friday Poetry (MFP) series. I will be giving you thought-provoking pieces of poetry taken from the upcoming spoken word poetry album “The UnBorn” written and performed by Joseph Daniel Sukali. Without wasting much of your time let’s jump straight to our first piece Scars of Depression II which is part two of a very thought-provoking piece scars of Depression which you can stream its video on YouTube. Let’s finish the week with some bitter truth and reality of how our society is operating. Enjoy the read-up. Whozzah Friday!!!!

Scars Of Depression II

Written and performed by Joseph Daniel Sukali

It’s been 6 weeks since I died alive
The idea of living and being human no longer appeals to me
There’s practically nothing that’s worth living for
You have all proved that am worthless and my presence in your life is useless
I have tried all that I could but my self-esteem no longer has the confidence to be human
I don’t go to your forever judging churches and I don’t believe in your God anymore
I don’t believe in heaven or hell
I don’t believe in angels or the idea that I have a Savior or there is an afterlife
All I know is am an animal
All those other eschatological ideas are just practical jokes that had the last laugh and died with me when I lost the energy to be part of the selfish human family
Now all I know is that am a beast
Respect, decency, and love are nothing but fear and control mechanisms
So don’t tell me am loved or am cared for
I have been begging for your care and attention
I have been crying for your hand to hold me and rescue me when I started drowning so please don’t bore me with your phony love and pretenses
Opening up about my inner pain and battles already turned me into a joke to you
I remember telling you I was feeling low and was going through some emotional turmoil that was leaping my mind apart
And you told me while you were smiling and laughing at whatever you were staring at on your phone that shit happens
Wow, Emhe I guess that’s it, shit happens
You see, I have tried to be strong for my siblings
But they too seem so occupied with life to notice my shouts for help
Everything about being human disgusts me now
I Am exhausted of lying, I no longer have the guts to pretend anymore
The smiles on Instagram and Facebook are just painful disguised tears
The jokes on Twitter and memes on WhatsApp are nothing but truths of my bitterness, envy, and jealousy
I Am lost in the pain, all I want is to be left alone and just disappear
And guess what? Suicide is my way out
And please, Don’t bother with your “talk to someone” bullshit
You fools don’t listen! Remember I already tried that before I got here.
But don’t worry, I won’t shame you
Am not going to leave you a note explaining what a horrible person you are
I won’t guilty you or try to put the blame on you
After all, your weak mind still believes am too weak a man
Committing suicide is a weakness mha, that’s what you say right? Am just weak, right?
Yeah I know, that’s how judgmental and ignorant you have always been
And guess what? Am not weak despite all this agony and worthlessness
I won’t hang myself, slit my wrist, jump off a bridge, or overdose on some pills
No, that’s not my style. I will take the painless and slowest suicide method ever like most of my ancestors before me
I will continue pretending to be part of your poisoned functioning society and kill myself slowly
I will give this body the type of hedonistic pleasure it has never experienced before
If this is indeed the temple of the Lord, he will definitely be pissed by the moment I lay down six feet deep
It’s time to numb the pain regardless of how much I dumb the brain
Do you know why I don’t really care?
Because you will judge me even if I just stay in my deep loneliness in this depression
That’s why I think these pills are ideal when I dilute them in this alcohol while I smoke this cannabis
It’s this excitement that’s keeping me alive as I die slowly
Just like the excitement of having sex with a stranger every night gives me
No emotional connection, just pure lust and satisfaction of a body that never gets satisfied even without protection
After all, that’s the good life Mha?
This is the suicide your society has systematically institutionalized and hence call it a lifestyle
Most of you don’t realize that this so-called lifestyle is the majority of Depression patients’ suicide attempts
The bottle has turned into a better listener so we give our lives to the bartender
But who am I to judge
Am just another one trying to kill me slowly without calling for too much attention
The parties and this lifestyle are just part of the mission
I gave up on my future and a better life
All the carelessness you see now are nothing but scars of Depression

#Ntho’sPen✍

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Joseph Daniel Sukali is a Malawian freelance writer, blogger, award winning spoken word poet and a mental health advocate. Some of his works have been published in the Best “New” African Poet 2020 ANTHOLOGY, Writers Global Movement (WGM) magazine and several other local and international magazines. He is also a contributor to an online library Good Literature Malawi, columnist of Malawi Talents Magazine and editor of Love Feast Magazine. Sukali has authored and published a book "Dealing with a Heartbreak: Therapy for the Broken-A Health Relationship Guide”. He is also a co-author of a poetry anthology "Whispers of Beating Hearts". His 2020 spoken word album “Wonders Of My Perception” is available for free download online. The 26 year old is a holder of a bachelor's degree obtained from Mzuzu University. Apart from being a wordsmith, Joseph Daniel Sukali is currently an employee of Emmanuel International Malawi and he is also an ambassador for Maphunziro265 Malawi.

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