If you’re my age (don’t waste your time guessing) or have dated few times in this wicked beautiful world, you probably have cheated or been cheated on. I don’t care which side you’re on. If you’re on neither side but dating, just wait for it, it’s going to hit you soon unless you’re one of the few lucky ones (am still positive it’s going to hit you one day though). Sometimes I even believe cheating is karma personalized, it has almost everyone’s address and soon or later that monster will knock on your door (if it has not yet) it’s not anybody’s fault but the cheat period. It really is a wicked world!

This one right here is for the fallen soldiers, those of you whose trust has been ripped off by the very same people you were ready to give everything up for. We all know how hard trust is to come by. It takes a lot of time, effort and sacrifice to fully build it but just a blink of an eye to destroy every inch of it. As hard as building this thing called trust is, it gets worse when it comes to rebuilding it after it has been broken and from what I have learned, most people don’t really regain it but rather just pretend to trust again when deep inside they have doubt beyond reasonable doubt.

It is from such perspective that I think no one should ever negotiate with a cheat. There is no need for them to explain; no excuse_no apology. I mean, what is the point of trying to explain that you were attracted to some other man or woman and you actually acted on that feeling and did the badabadaboomboom when you already have someone? Y’all Christians don’t even dare put such acts on the devil (Am pretty sure Satan will deny some of the allegations you put on him/her). Ladies and gentleman cheating is not an accident. Nobody should ever justify this thing no matter what. It’s better to walk out of your relationship and be clear with your partner that you no longer feel the need to continue with them unlike cheating on them so that they walk away soul bruised like in a walk of shame. Be matured enough to tell your partner that you no longer see a future with them and end things peacefully. The pain from cheating and a descent break up is different. Don’t leave your partner (ex) asking themselves if they are good enough to be loved (trust me cheating has that psychological damaging impact on ones self esteem and confidence), because the effect of your incompetency will surely be felt by the next person you’re partner will meet after you.

I have already pointed out that this is for those who have been victimised (and most importantly those that will be victimised someday), I want you to fully comprehend why I think no one should negotiate with or bother to work things with a cheating partner.

First reason is simple; You’re not respected, period. You know how they say a good relationship is built on love, trust and respect. The trio is what make a relationship work and in absence of one, the others can’t stand on their on to build the pyramid of a healthy and happy relationship. In all honesty and non arguably, cheating is a sign that your partner doesn’t respect your body and your feelings. If a person you’re in a relationship with has no respect for you, there is no way that relationship is going to work out because to that person you are nothing but a tool for the satisfaction of their needs. You don’t need to give excuse to stay in that relationship if he/she doesn’t respect your feelings because you will constantly get hurt. As paramount as love and trust are for a relationship to be fully functional, so is respect. If that man/woman cheats on you, it means he/she doesn’t respect you and if they don’t respect you, they surely don’t deserve you! Walk away.
Apart from being disrespectful to you, another reason to never negotiate with a cheat is that you can never trust them again. Before they cheated, they told you that you were the only one, they told you they would never do anything to hurt your feelings and now boom! they did! Why should you even try to work things again when he/she has proven to you she is a lier? What would stop them from lying to you again this time? Soldier up and walk away. If s/he can cheat now, how can you trust that person to be your life partner? Don’t enslave yourself for a lifetime, forever is a long time my dear. I know you are thinking “why can’t we give each other second chances”, “Isn’t forgiveness key for the survival of every relationship”? That’s very true. So what do you do? Forgive them and make peace with yourself and peacefully walk away. Give them a second chance by walking away so that next time they get into another relationship they remember that cheating is non negotiable. Forgive indeed but walk out on them for good.

Finally, cheating is non negotiable because of the bitterness to seek revenge it brings in the victim. This is the worst thing cheating does: staining your soul. No matter how good you are as an individual and a lover, being cheated on changes you and whether you control it or not, there’s an amount of darkness that erupts from deep within you. This darkness makes you want to strike vengeance on the cheat, it makes you want to make them pay. Don’t lie to yourself that you have forgiven your partner after they cheated on you because it’s revenge that you truly seek. You are bitter, just walk away before you get to do things that will go against your own conscious. Don’t l et a cheat strip off your humanity, leave them.

Nobody should ever justify an act of lack of self control and discipline as an accident. Nothing done in one’s full consciousness can be equated to an accident! Don’t ever tame a cub that will feast on you when it grows into a lion. Don’t negotiate with a cheat! Always remember a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend is a future cheating husband/wife. Choose your battles wisely because there’s no shame in walking away from a losing battle. Its not cowardice but wisdom and it’s grave miscalculation to think you’re brave when it’s just stupidity . Don’t lose your soul for nobody. Know your worth and always remember that you deserve better than a cheating partner.

#Ntho’sPen✍️

 

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Joseph Daniel Sukali is a Malawian freelance writer, blogger, award winning spoken word poet and a mental health advocate. Some of his works have been published in the Best “New” African Poet 2020 ANTHOLOGY, Writers Global Movement (WGM) magazine and several other local and international magazines. He is also a contributor to an online library Good Literature Malawi, columnist of Malawi Talents Magazine and editor of Love Feast Magazine. Sukali has authored and published a book "Dealing with a Heartbreak: Therapy for the Broken-A Health Relationship Guide”. He is also a co-author of a poetry anthology "Whispers of Beating Hearts". His 2020 spoken word album “Wonders Of My Perception” is available for free download online. The 26 year old is a holder of a bachelor's degree obtained from Mzuzu University. Apart from being a wordsmith, Joseph Daniel Sukali is currently an employee of Emmanuel International Malawi and he is also an ambassador for Maphunziro265 Malawi.

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